how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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