Screwed.edu
never play flip cup with pint glasses
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
