man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
