My hand turned me down
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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