yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
