Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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