Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
