I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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