He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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