I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize