He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
