im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize