I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
