once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
