Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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