All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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