The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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