he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We need to get me chipped asap
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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