Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize