I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
