I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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