Don't you send me to vm
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
