please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
