I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
