I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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