I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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