so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Farmville is her only friend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
