Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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