This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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