are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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