ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
