its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
