He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
