well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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