hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
