Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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