we have officially lost it.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
