my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
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she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize