Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I faked an abortion last night.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
