why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
