I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
