You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
