He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
