I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
