the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
