TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
