Where is the hickey?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
