Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
