I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
