I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
