White coat. Heels.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
