The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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