I think i peed on brittanys purse
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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