i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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