we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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