so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Found the puke drawer
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
