you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
