I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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