she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
