Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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