it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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