I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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