wat bout pragnant strippers??
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she smelled like a LAN party
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
