This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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