Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
