why didn't you poke me back
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
