just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
