Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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