I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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