2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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