I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
