The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
