I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
