All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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